Fierce Compassionate Counseling

North Austin Psychotherapy

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Growth during change

About a month ago, I resigned to the fact that I’ll likely be doing online sessions for a while.  I had been going to my office periodically to water my plants.  I love my office and plants do too.  A large sliding glass door lets in a lot of natural light and all the plants that I’ve brought there have thrived. When I went to water I was surprised and excited to see the new growth and them all looking wild and happy.  My office is unlike my house, where I have two children, two dogs, and two cats.  There’s decent light, but nothing like my office.  Bringing plants into my home is like a death sentence – a random succulent or ivy will survive, but that is only because they’re the sturdiest of plants and they are put far from the reaches of children or critters who may hurt them.

Last month I decided to bring these plants home.  I felt like I was sentencing them to death.  So, I found the best places in the house and hoped for the best – but expected the worst.  Surprisingly within a week, two of my plants from my office had grown new leaves.  How could that be possible? How could growth still happen when they’re being chomped by our newest puppy, didn’t have the best light, and just experienced a change in environment?  It was exciting to see and the lesson wasn’t lost on me.

Frequently with clients they come to therapy struggling with something in their life – there can be a lot of pain and suffering. Something doesn’t feel right. Often someone may feel stuck and unable to make the changes they want in their life.  However, I’ve found that even under these circumstances people can move through these difficulties and still grow!! Positive change can still happen even when we have the proverbial puppy chomping on us.  It’s truly incredibly and helps remind me in my own life that when things feel difficult that growth is still possible and will happen – just be patient, be curious and compassionate.

Curated Spaces

As all sessions have moved online and will continue to be for the next few months, I’ve become more aware of the what it’s like to be in the actual therapy space. My office is a place where I have been intentional with design choices, layout, and furniture to provide a place of coziness and comfort. All the objects have been carefully curated to help my clients feel at ease and to serve as a preview of my style.  I’ve moved my tissue box no more than a dozen times to make sure my clients have easy access and they don’t have to go searching for it.  Oh, and the intentional placement of a trash can close by so a client does not have to keep holding on to their dirty tissues.

In a session many years ago, my therapist didn’t have a trash can that was easy to find and by the end of the session my purse was full of snotty and wet tissues – gross! However, it felt like too much for me to ask where to put them.  It was so similar to life where I was used to just trying to make everyone else happy.  I didn’t want to inconvenience my therapist by asking for a trash can.  And yes, I do realize how irrational that sounds, but in that moment, there seemed to be no other option.

As someone who also has been in therapy, I pull from my own experience where I feel the most comfortable and what my needs are. However, like everyone, I know I have blind spots, and what I need in therapy can be very different from what my client may need.  Throughout our sessions I frequently check in about how it feels for someone to sit in my therapy space.

But how does this look while meeting online? I try to make sure I’m providing services in the same location in my office – with the same art. I’ve tried many different ways to light the room to help clients be able to see my face clearly.  I have had clients do their sessions in their cars, in their bathrooms, in a closet, or even in a treehouse.  Dr. Seuss would love it – “I can do therapy anywhere.”

I always encourage my clients to find somewhere quiet, keep a drink nearby, and, of course, have some tissues ready for times when the tears come. My hope is to be able to continue to help clients feel held and safe, even while in our separate spaces, and enable them to work through significant circumstances and feelings.

Courage

In my practice I am amazed at the courage people show.  As someone who has been in therapy a good part of my adult life and one who has stopped therapy to only start again, I realize how terrifying the whole process can be.  Truly one of the hardest parts of therapy is making that first phone call or sending that email asking for services. Also, what if you don’t get a call back?  – eek!! –

It can be incredibly challenging to find someone whose schedule aligns with yours, someone who takes your insurance, and, on top of all that, someone who is a good fit, can help you identify your goals and help you work toward them.

Not to mention, actually showing up for therapy is hard.  To sit across from another human and let them truly see who you are…it is terrifying!  It takes an immense amount of courage to be able to show up in this way.  The therapy space is one where clients courageously show up to attend to their own needs and explore patterns that they may have developed over time with gentle curiosity, so that they may be able to change.

My hope is that within that space I can meet clients with unconditional positive regard.  This was a term developed by Carl Rogers, a humanist psychologist.  With unconditional positive regard my intention is to show support, acceptance and love for a client, no matter what they say or do, placing no condition on acceptance.

As a client courageously shows up for therapy, I respect them immensely as a human being with their own free will and also believing that they are doing the best she can. By trying to practice unconditional positive regard, I see each my client as inherently human and inherently lovable.

I firmly believe that every person was born with the potential to develop in positive and loving ways.  Within the space of therapy, I strongly believe that if clients have the courage to show up there is a chance for them to feel welcomed, understood, and accepted.  I really am lucky to do what I do and see clients show a tremendous amount of courage in their lives.  It helps remind me that I can be brave and continue to walk on with gentle curiousity.

“This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted.  It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one’s potentialities.  It involved the courage to be.  It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life.” -Carl Rogers.